My apologies for being late: I simply didn’t have time this week to get to this, and honestly, I didn’t feel it was as memorable as previous episodes. Still, I wanted to get something out there so people could post on it, and Who Is America? always provides us with a few bonkers moments.
First up is Dr. Billy Wayne Rudduck of Truthbrary, here to teach us about an evil ideology that spread over Europe towards the middle of the 20th century– he’s talking, of course, about “liberalism”– and its latest scare message, global warming, of which he says “The liberals will be freaking out, saying we need to buy a Tesla from Lena Dunham.”
Billy Wayne has Dr. Jill Stein as his guest for this segment. Much like Bernie Sanders in his appearance in the season opener, Stein comes off as someone trying to be patient with Billy Wayne but not willing to give any ground on his absurd positions– in this case, the existence of seasons disproving global warming.
Billy Wayne then speaks with Howard Dean, claiming to have photographic evidence Hillary Clinton is a man. Dean doesn’t buy it, of course, but it is much more hilariously awkward than the Stein segment.
We move on to Sgtcorp. (“Sergeant Corporal”) Erran Morad, now offering home invasion counseling: “I’m gonna teach a housewife and her pussy husband how to fist the burglar.” He visits Gretchen Rossi of Real Housewives of Orange County, and said husband Slade Smiley, who introduces himself as “I like to sleep with housewives.”
This segment involves a lot of Morad trying to subtly, then not-so-subtly undermine Smiley to Rossi. First by odd methods like discussing their bowel movements (“You I imagine is one wipe? Clean, no smell?”) then openly talking about how he “worked in the Army as a seducer.” They make sure to lock the door after he leaves.
Next up is Dr. Nira– now introduced as “the author of Masculinity and Other Hate Crimes“– with the most bonkers segment of the episode. After his “misogynistic and shameful” act of impregnating his wife, Dr. Nira has decided to put himself in her shoes, taking the idea of a “sympathy belly” to an extreme and enlisting a spiritual guide and a doula to help him, uh, simulate birthing a child. Rectally. This, uh, goes a lot of places, one of which is “I had a spicy breakfast, so I might be having twins,” and another of which is that the head of the doll breaks off inside him.
We go briefly back to Billy Wayne, now talking to Dr. Francis Collins, Director of the National Institute of Health, and inquiring about trans fats, under the mistaken belief that “Big Agriculture was trying to turn me into a trans.” There’s also a story he tells which ends with him revealing he shared a needle with a homeless man.
Our final segment goes to Rick Sherman and “Ex-Con Second Chance,” where this time he’s bringing prison cuisine to a Michelin star level, enlisting Bill Jilla of Dinner Reviews magazine to try a three-course meal based on his prison meal experiences. The first course I forgot to write down since it didn’t seem interesting, but the second was a recreation of smuggled contraband meat– “a veal anally aged for eight days in a prophylactic.” (“It’s a strawberry condom to give it that summery feel.”)
And the third was “ethically sourced human meat.” “Vegetarian-fed Chinese dissident.”
Of course, Jilla gives them all stellar reviews– I’m sure whatever the food actually was, it was fantastic. His lack of trepidation about trying these dishes might startle viewers, but as a former part-time food reviewer myself, I can’t say I was surprised.
- The tag provides us with a brief scene of OMGWhizzBoy, talking to former Arizona governor Jan Brewer. Most notable is this exchange, with OMGWhizzBoy doing a voice for one of the Shopkins he’s unboxed:
I want to ethnically cleanse all the limited-edition Shopkins!
Well, that’s crazy.
But can I still buy a machine gun, please?
Yes, you can.
- Apparently someone involved with (or at least a fan of) Real Housewives called Slade a six-letter slur for homosexual, but we never find out who.
- I assume the doula, Maria, was part of the show and in on the bit, because if not, Dr. Nira threatening her with “a phone call to the police” is extremely fucked up. (Also fucked up that the spiritual guide Dr. Nira enlisted said nothing at this point.)
- “To the Lao family, thank you very much.”
- We’ll get the season finale review up much sooner. (Who else is excited to see Sarah Palin at last? My only lament is that John McCain didn’t live long enough to see his vice-presidential pick publicly faceplant once last time.)